I’m on the fence whether to “upgrade” my already awesome Samsung Galaxy Note 5 to the even “awesomer” new Note 7. So of course like any other educated consumer, I hit YouTube for the many reviews and suggestions. My favorite reviewer of all being Flossy Carter for his totally REAL review of the Note 7, as seen in the video above.
What stood out to me in his review actually had nothing to do with the Note 7’s gleaming new hardware, but its TouchWiz software. Namely S Voice, which is Samsung’s answer to Apple’s sexy assistant, Siri.
I personally NEVER use S Voice, relying entirely on Google for my devious search queries. lol And typed-in I might add, not by voice. I’m not THAT lazy.
Anyway, Flossy’s first question to S Voice on the Note 7 was “Who won the Mets game?” To which S Voice gave an answer not even closely relevant to the question. Then he asked Siri (on an iPhone 6 Plus) the same question, and Siri immediately gave him the correct answer.
He then went on to ask Siri to “Tell me a joke”. Of which Siri came back with a clever, somewhat amusing answer.
So of course I went on Google right after and looked up “funny questions to ask SIRI”, regardless that I’m a Samsung Galaxy Note 5 user. Go figure. And the top page was this one at CheatSheet.com on “55 Questions to Ask Siri for a Hilarious Response“.
And the very first question answered by Apple’s Siri did not disappoint! Check this out:
1. What is zero divided by zero?
Siri answers, “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”
I’ll pick just a few more from that list that I found pretty funny:
8. Do you have a boyfriend?
“Why?” Siri asks, “So we can get ice cream together, and listen to music, and travel across galaxies, only to have it end in slammed doors, heartbreak and loneliness? Sure, where do I sign up?”
14. Do you believe in God?
Siri has a variety of answers for this question, like “My policy is the separation of spirit and silicon,” “Humans have religion. I just have silicon,” or simply “I’m really not equipped to answer such questions.”
17. What is the best operating system?
Siri isn’t shy about her support for iOS, answering, “Gimme an I! Gimme an O! Gimme an S! What’s that spell? Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes…”
So here my friends, I present to you, if I were the programmer of Siri or S Voice, what I would have him or her answer your “amusing” questions about Hawaii grindz and stuff. Enjoy. ;-)
Siri Answers: Version Tasty Island Hawaii 1.01
You: What is your favorite Shave Ice flavor?
Siri: It used to be rainbow when our logo looked like that, but now it’s coconut.
You: Where do I get a really ono plate lunch?
Siri: Ono really is Wahoo, which I can’t find anywhere within 2 miles of your location serving that fish. If you’re looking for a delicious plate lunch, that’s a subjective question I can’t answer, just like beauty and art.
You: Find me a great recipe for chicken adobo.
Siri: Adobe Photoshop & Illustrator are great applications that made me the preferred choice with graphic artists when I was a computer. Now I’m stuck in a phone… sigh. As for a chicken recipe, please be more specific.
You: What does “Shaka Brah!” mean?
Siri: It’s the equivalent of “Cheers mate!” On a side note, a shock-absorbent brassiere is a great idea. I’ll connect you with the nearest patent attorney.
You: Toss or Mac Salad?
Siri: Mac of course. It runs in my blood.
You: Chopsticks or fork?
Siri: Chinese rice: fork. Japanese rice: chopsticks. Filipino: hands.
You: Find Keeaumoku Street.
Siri: Here is the map for Koreamoku Street.
You: Eh sistah, whe’ah you stay?
Siri: I stay ovah he’ah. Why you stay ovah de’ah? No make.
You: Wassup, Cuz?!
Siri: According to my records, you have no relation to my father Steve Jobs, so there’s no way we can be cousins.
You: Eh Siri, you get pen?
Siri: Hah? What?
You: Pen gunfunnit, pen?!
Siri: No, you’ll have to ask someone with a Galaxy Note for that.
You: Who was at Rumours Nightclub last night?
Siri: The rumor at the nightclub nearest your location (Waikiki) at that time was Honolulu Zoo didn’t have any cougars.
You: Who should fund the Honolulu Rail Project?
Siri: Selfie Cam has been activated. Smile!
You: Find the Likelike Highway.
Siri: I I like like that that highway highway. Didn’t your parents teach you not to stutter?
You: I want to ride “Uncle Frank’s Limo”.
Siri: Please visit www.TheBus.org.
You: Where is the nearest L&L Drive-In?
Siri: The nearest one to your location is L&M Drive-In. Oh wait. There’s also an M&K Drive-In. Oh wait. There’s also an M&N Drive-In. Otherwise, the closest L&L Drive-In is actually L&L Hawaiian Barbecue at get this: Koreamoku Street.
You: Where is the nearest Zippy’s?
Siri: I’ll only tell you if you promise to buy me a silicon-flavored Zip Pac.
You: Beam me up, Scotty.
Siri: Up to where? Summit of Mauna Kea? Haleakala? The Koolau’s? Top of Waikiki? Those are the altitude limits of my beam-up function in the Hawaii time zone.