Time to talk about da’ most best’est’est’est person in the whole wide shoppers world, Da’ Costco Sample Lady!
Upon my daily lunchtime walk through the Iwilei Costco today, one of da’ Sample Ladies was handing out bags of Maui Wowee Pakalolo samples….
Nah, that’s actually Good Grains Organic Quinoa and Kale, and it was supah ono!
There’s magic dust in the air inside Costco
OK, first what I want to discuss about Da’ Sample Lady is, notice how she magically makes da’ food samples she hands out right there in the store taste so dang delicious. Then when you buy it and take it home and prepare it yourself, it doesn’t taste quite as ono as is did when you tried in the store at Costco? Ya’ know?
I just know, while that Organic Quinoa with Kale was broke da’ mout’ winnahz in Aisle 32 at Costco from Da’ Sample Lady, when I take it home and serve it in Aisle 1 at home on my sofa in front of the TV, da’ buggah going be like, “Eh… Meh.” Wassup wit’ dat?
Oh yeah, you know who you are. You’re either one of them “snooze, you lose” type, or you’re the one like me who despises them. Here I am about 5 feet away from grabbing 1 of 6 fresh batches of Organic Quinoa and Kale from the wonderful Sample Lady. But wait, comin’ in from my 3, 6 and 9 o’clock, we’ve got inbound bogeys that SWOOP right in and grab every single one; some taking two or three sample cups at a time. 2 or 3 at a time! And I’m like “What the hell! Not one left for me? Damned vultures!”
Costco Shopping Cart & Sample Cops
Costco needs to hire several staff who’s only job is to monitor the sample stations and people who have bad Costco Shopping Cart etiquette. Nab those greedy, inconsiderate folks who grab 2 or more samples at a time for themselves, as well as those folks who ram into unsuspecting patrons with their massive, overloaded, out-of-control shopping carts. Ouwee Aunty, my toe! In fact, I’m all for traffic lights at busy Costco main aisle “intersections”. Seriously!
Then you got those folks who wait there at the sample lady’s table, staring at her impatiently as she takes her sweet ‘ole time oven-baking that Rising Crust Digiornio Pizza. She’s probably thinking in her head, “Well, if you want this pizza that badly, don’t just stand there and stare at me, buddy. There’s a whole stack of them in the freezer case right next to me. Buy some and get a move on! Scoot!”
Then there’s those folks who try to pass up the precious 5 minutes of time it takes to cook the Chicken Taquitos by striking up a conversation with Da’ Sample Lady. She tries so graciously to talk about what’s it’s like to work at Costco, and whether it’s better to microwave or bake the Taquitos, when really she’s thinking, “Please don’t talk to me right now. Can’t you see I’m really busy here cooking?”
Da’ Sample Lady Nazi
I once came across a Costco “Sample Lady Nazi”. Not the nice lady pictured above, but one who used to work here long ago… and to top it off, she had the looks to match!
True story. I once grabbed a cup of trail mix Da’ Sample Lady Nazi was serving at her station, when upon looking at what I got, thought it didn’t have quite the “mix” I wanted. So I put the one I grabbed back and tried to grab another one with a better trail mix variety in the cup. To which she put her hand in front and blocked me, giving me this wicked stare like I had just committed all seven deadly sins in front of God Almighty.
I swear at that very moment, if she had a bolo knife, she would have chopped both my hands and n#ts off. Seriously! She then told me in a very stern, bass-like monotonous “Mommy Dearest” voice, “You picked that one, you take that one”.
I just stood there frozen in fear, took back the first cup of trail mix I grabbed and went on my way, looking over my shoulder just to make sure she wasn’t following me out to my car. Dude, I kid you not! I was freakin’ s#itt#ng bricks! lol
No Make “A”
Because of the Sample Lady “vultures”, I sometimes feel embarrassed taking samples, having this anxiety that I’m just like the rest of “them”. So I’ll sometimes take the sample I grabbed and hide in a aisle that nobody else is in (like down by the paper goods) to eat my sample. That way too, I can “pig out” and nobody will see me; especially for the samples that don’t included a tiny spoon, yet should have one. All I need is to be wolfing down a spoonless sample cup of Progresso Vegetable Soup, with tomato sauce, pasta and a piece of carrot stuck on the side of my lip, and up walks my ex-girlfriend on me. Zoinks! lol
Renew Your Membership
Please share your “Costco Sample Lady” experiences! What were some of your favorite samples? What samples would you like to try that haven’t been offered yet? Can you relate to any of the Sample Lady experiences and Costco shopper/scavenger profiles mentioned in this post? Are you one of those people? Are you mad at me for calling you out on it? lol
P.S. For my silly selfie of the day, here I am bidding farewell to my Samsung Galaxy Note 3 Black Edition, as I mistakenly threw it in my washing machine for a complete cycle, being I didn’t realized it was tangled within my bed comforter that I put in the wash….
Not to sweat though, as under the handy-dandy T-Mobile “Jump” program, I was able to take it in and switch it for a brand new exact replacement Samsung Galaxy Note 3, this time getting the white edition, which is what I originally wanted, anyhow…
I can’t wait for September when the Galaxy Note 4 comes out. That bad boy’s gonna’ blow the panties off the wannabe iPhone 6 “phablet”. Too late Apple, Samsung beat you to the party 3 years ago!