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The Never Ending Story of Mr. Koko: Chapter 2

The decoding of Mr. Koko via ono ‘kine grindz

Continued from chapter 1

“Hmmm. A Kalei Eggs “Huhu Chickens” iOS/Android/Windows8m video game app, eh? Well, you are aware there’s already an “Angry Chickens” game app, right?”Mr. Koko remarked.  ‘Naks (short for Mr. Tanaka, who is Kalei Eggs’ fictional hip, cool ‘n handsome young marketing director) quickly fired back, “Yes, I’m very much aware of that. My 2 month old niece beats me at it every time….” Mr. Koko cuts in “Wai-wai-wait… what? Your 2 month old niece? She can’t even talk or walk, yet she already beats you at video games? Dang, you must have some pretty awesome genes, ‘Naks!”

‘Naks continues without a hiccup, “What sets “Huhu Chickens” apart, is the use of Hawaiian and Pidgin English words and names in our game, plus it’s set in a beautiful Hawaii-themed 3D environment, where you can pan from virtually any angle during game play. As an added bonus, if you find one our many hidden Kalei “Easter Eggs’, you’ll then be offered the option to select which island, down specifically to what town or beach you want the background scenery based on. Super cool, like that.”

Angry Chickens

“And what about the game play?” Mr. Koko then asks, somewhat cynically. ‘Naks excitedly explains “It’s similar to Angry Birds and Angry Chickens, except “Huhu Chickens” literally takes it to the next level, where, not only are you in a beautiful, panning 3D HD environment ideal for the latest touchscreen HD displays and faster processors, but your “weapons” to knock down, crack and eventually break the eggs from the mainland change as the game progresses to each level.

The first 3 levels, you’re hurling really, really angry (Huhu) Kalei Farms Chickens at the mainland eggs. The next 3 levels, you’re dropping Balut Eggs from above, down onto the various tropical-themed structures that crack ‘n break the mainland eggs. BTW, that’s called the “Spook ‘da Manook” level, where you can choose either the graphic or non-graphic version. The next 3 levels, you’re lobbing bags of Poi, Manapua and SPAM Musubi alternately, each with different egg-breaking effectiveness and trajectory characteristics. Next, you’re “hosing” scorching hot Kilauea lava. The final levels, you’re dropping Kalei Eggs on ’em. And trust me, it gets more difficult in each level. And of course we’ve thrown in lots of hidden “Kalei Easter Eggs” as well.”

Mr. Koko finally fully snaps out of his 3am Loco Moco “Kanak Attack” stupor, exclaiming, “Geeperz, that’s NEAT-O! LOVE IT!”. “Huhu Chickens” is gonna’ take over the iWorld! Hu-hu-wu-hoo-waha-ha-ha-ha!!!”

Koala Moa “Huli Huli style” Chicken Mini Plate, including corn and kim chee sides. $5.50

Speaking of huhu chickens, Agent E enjoyed the “Huli Huli style” (“huli” means to turn, as in rotisserie) Chicken mini plate from Koala Moa so much from a previous grindz session (see plate above), that later the next week back at K-Team Headquarters, he and Agent A ordered the same thing…

Koala Moa “Huli Huli style” Chicken Mini Plate, including corn and Daikon sides. $5.50

Koala Moa “Huli Huli style” Chicken Large Plate, including corn and Daikon and Kim Chee sides. $8.00

“So what’s this so-called “Project Huhu” all about?” Agent E asked Mr. Koko, to which he replied, “I didnt’ hear that. So how’s the Koala Moa Chicken this time around?” Agent A chimed in “It’s OK. The breast part was a little dry, and it could use a little more smoke flavor. The side of corn was kinda’ boring too. What to expect from the can.” Agent E also noticed it didn’t taste as kiawe-smoked as previous orders. Where Koala Moa was previously highly raved about, this time around they skipped a beat. No biggie. They’ll be back again.

Chicken aptly still the theme of the week, on another day, Agent A and E picked up some Shoyu Chicken plates right up the street from Koala Moa, over at Hilo Hattie’s Kona Bean Cafe…

Shoyu Chicken plate from Kona Bean Cafe in Hilo Hattie on Nimitz. $7.00

Shoyu Chicken mini plate from Kona Bean Cafe in Hilo Hattie on Nimitz. $5.00

Mr. Koko wasn’t havin’ any chicken, as that’s not part of his pescetarian “diet” during the regular work week. Besides, chicken was never his favorite. For a video game theme, yeah. To eat, no.

Now one of them 100% Kauai free range grass-fed beef burgers from Eat Honolulu?…

Eat Honolulu – Classic Burger featuring Kauai free range grass-fed beef, with Avocado topping. $8.50

Oh yeah. Now THAT’s somethin’ Koko can get tempted by.

Back to the Shoyu Chicken, Agent E commented that the gravy wasn’t thick enough. Otherwise, Agent A noted that the shoyu chicken flavor was spot-on, with lots of depth, including a nice ginger accent, while being fall-off-the-bones tender. The Mac Salad also got a thumbs-up, garnering an overall 3 SPAM Musubi from Agent A and 1 from super-critical E.

The next day the K-Team celebrated Agent C’s birthday, returning once again to Mexico Restaurant in the heart of Kalihi’s foodie area on School Street, where this time around, Agent A ordered the El Mariachi Burrito…

Mexico Restaurant – El Mariachi Burrito: Chile Verde pork wrapped in a flour tortilla with beans and cheese. Served wet with sour cream, salsa fresca, rice and beans. $13.95

Agent E ordered the Machaca…

Mexico Restaurant – Machaca: scrambled egg with shredded beef, salsa fresca, jalapenos and cheese. Served with flour tortillas, beans and rice. $10.50

Agent J ordered a Chicken Burrito…

Mexico Restaurant – Chicken Burrito: a large flour tortilla filled with beans, cheese and your choice of chicken, beef or ground beef, served wet with Verde or Rojo sauce, along with beans and rice on the side. $10.95

Agent C stuck with the manook theme, going for the Chicken Enchilada…

Mexico Restaurant – Chicken Enchilada: soft corn tortilla rolled with cheese and your choice of chicken, beef or ground beef and topped with Rojo or Verde sauce, served with beans rice. $9.25.

Finally, Mr. Koko ordered the most cliche sounding “Mexican” dish of all, Fish Tacos…

Mexico Restaurant – Fish Taco: two corn tortillas filled with fresh grilled, seasoned Mahimahi, lettuce and cheese. Served with Guacamole, Salsa Fresca, beans and rice. $12.95.

For the most part, everyone noted how well-seasoned and perfectly cooked the food was, as it was the last time they dined there. Agent E especially enjoyed his Machaca, all gooey, rich ‘n savory with the beef ‘n eggs all mingling together like that. Koko tried a piece and was impressed as well, thinking that’s something he’d like to order the next time, especially for the price!

As for his Fish Tacos, Koko thought it could have used something to kick it up, like some sauce of some kind, as the Guac’ masked the flavor of the delicate Mahi more than enhance it. Like one of them Verde or Rojo sauces, or perhaps even the Mole. More cheese too, of any kind. Other than that, the Mahi was PERFECT. Nicely seasoned simply with salt ‘n pep, tasting super fresh, flavorful, moist ‘n flakey.

Overall, the K-Team once again liked Mexico Restaurant so much, that it not only dispelled Hawaii as a terrible place for good Mexican food, but also had Agent A bring Mrs. Agent A for lunch here in the recent past, plus having Agent C wanting to bring Mr. Agent C for lunch or dinner here some time soon.

After lunch, the K-Team went to scope out Brudda’s Liquor & Grocery store – an apt name for the area – near Mexico Restaurant, less than a half block up on School Street…

Brudda’s Liquor & Grocery @ 1311 N. School Street, Honolulu, Hawaii

Not surprisingly, it was indeed a place catered to “Bruddas”, featuring cold beer, smoking accessories, “gangsta’ look” apparel and posters promoting various MMA matches, along with, oddly enough, an eclectic selection of cheap plastic kids toys, likely being geared for da’ brudda’s wahine, who get 10 keedz from 3 previous relationships. LOL!

Upon returning to office headquarters, as always greeting the team on the conference table as a centerpiece token of good will, were some sort of ono ‘kine grindz. This time, yet again, Manapua…

Royal Kitchen Baked Manapua

…to which super-sharp Agent E immediately questioned “Why is the Manapua bag being represented by a friggin’ COW?!!! A freakin’ COW!!!!!! To which he started “having a cow” himself, completely losing his temper…

Royal Kitchen – Baked Charsiu Manapua

Agent E continued his quickly escalating rant, “Manapua is made with Charsiu, and Charsiu is made PORK, as in PIG. NOT beef!!! Pork, damned it, PORK!” Totally T’d off now about the Manapua Shopping Bag with a cow on it, he then opened up the office window and began whipping the Royal Kitchen Baked Charsiu Manapua out the window, tearing off pieces at a time, where shreds and chunks of Charsiu and loose bau (bread bun) crumbs scattered on the floor and furniture of the previously SPARTAN K-Team office.

Agent E then finished off his tirade by sticking himself halfway out the open office window, shouting at the top of his lungs in a death metal-like, grunting, syncopated chant, “BUTA ICHIBAN, YO-OSH! BUTA ICHIBAN, YO-OSH! BUTA ICHIBAN, YO-OSH! Which loosely translates to “Pork Fat Rules!”

OK, OK, we get it Agent E. Really though, why is that a cow is representing Manapua on this bag design? Then low-and-behold, the cow now represents Malasadas?…

Nobody could explain it. All the K-Team knew, is that they were glad no one got hurt by flying pieces of Manapua “shrapnel” from Agent E’s beef-protesting “Pork Rules!” Manapua tossing tirade.

Just as Mr. Koko stepped back in his office and had a seat after cooling down Agent E, Ms. Miyage excitedly runs in notifying him that “Mr. Lanai” Ellison was on the line from Molokai. Mr. Koko nervously, yet immediately picked up “Well, well…. hel- hel-, hello Mr. Ellison, S-S-S-S-S-Sir! How-how-h-how may I help you today?” To which he replied, “Koko, I’m gonna’ make Lanai the baddest @ss island this side of Chinaman’s Hat. And I’m doing that first-‘n-foremost by providing lots of good-paying jobs through new development and infrastructure improvements.”

With the sound of a helicopter faintly chopping away in the background, Mr. Lanai continued, “I also envision not mine, but OUR Island of Lanai being THE newest and hottest foodie destination in not just Hawaii, but the entire Pacific, and possibly the world. That said, I’m starting by doing an island-wide tour of Hawaii’s most famous and popular eateries and food manufacturers, from Puuwai, Niihau, all the way to Naalehu at the tip of the Big Island. Here on Molokai, I heard they’re famous for their Bad @ss Bread”. Mr. Koko then carefully interrupts, “Sir, that would be “Okole Bread”.

“I knew that. I just wanted to see if you knew that, and if you did, whether you had the “olos” to correct me. As being you do, you’re exactly the kind of business associate I want to be partners with.” Mr. Lanai confessed, sounding very pleased, continuing, “You know, Steve Jobs had some big ones running Apple, and so did I when running Oracle, which made me at one time, the richest man in the world. Being you got ’em, welcome aboard my secret Lanai project.” without even bothering to ask Mr. Koko whether he’d be interested.

“Okole Bread” from Kamehameha Bakery

Knowing he had to be “ballsy” with Mr. Lanai, Mr. Koko boldly fired back, “Look Lanai, cut to the chase: what about that Okole Bread? How’d you like it?” Mr. Lanai responded in kind “Well, guess what? The bakery was temporarily shut down due to health inspections, so I flew in a a bunch of Okole Bread from Kam Bakery in Kalihi on Oahu to some folks here on Molokai to get their opinion on it…

“Okole Bread” from Kamehameha Bakery

“Sir, that would be Kamehameha Bakery, not “Kam” Bakery”, Koko again attempted to correct Mr. Lanai. To which he again fired back, “I knew that. I just wanted to see if you knew that, and whether you had as much respect for the great King of Hawaii as I do, even as being considered myself still a “Malahini”.

Mr. Lanai continued, “Anyhow,  I can see why they call it “Okole Bread”. They obviously purposely baked it to look that way. Which I was thinking we can do this one better and make “Boobie Bread”. But naw, we’ll stick with the original body part and call it “Bad @ss Lanai Bread.”

“Okole Bread” from Kamehameha Bakery

“As for how it tastes, the Molokai locals say Kamehameha Bakery’s version of Okole Bread tastes more like Portuguese Sweet Bread, as compared to the one from Kanemitsu Bakery here on Molokai, which tastes more like a Cottage Bread. Very good though. Really moist, fresh and supple, slightly sweet, with a hint of butter to it, while the crust has a deep-baked flavor to it, while being on the soft and glutenous side.”

“Damned, Lanai, you’re really doing your home work! I’m proud of you, son.” quipped Koko. “Don’t push it.” Mr. Lanai threw back and hung up.

# # #


3 thoughts on “The Never Ending Story of Mr. Koko: Chapter 2

  • February 23, 2013 at 4:05 am

    Soon after being hung-up by Mr. Lanai, Mr. Koko’s phone rang again with ‘Naks calling, “‘Naks, you’re not gonna’ believe who I just got off the line with!” ‘Naks replies, “Mr. Ellison, and he hung up on you, I hope.” “Yeah, he hung up on me. WTH!?” said a concerned Koko. “Good, because if he said “goodbye”, that literally means “GOODBYE”, as in he’s never talking to you again. When he hangs up on you, that means he likes you, or possibly may love you, in the platonic sense of meaning. Being as successful as he is, he’s a really complicated person to figure out. Kinda’ like your ex.” ‘Naks reassured Koko.

    Naks moved on to why he called to begin with, “Koko, you’re not gonna’ believe this! I played the first working demo’ of our new “Huhu Chickens” game against my 2 month old niece, and I finally beat her!” Koko sighs back, “‘Naks, come on man, she’s just 2 months old. Sheesh.” ‘Naks continues, “Yeah, I know. That said, I also played against my 5 year old nephew, and he totally whooped my butt at it, as he always does. I tell ya’, da’ keiki nowadays have such incredible hand-eye coordination and understanding of these complex video games; I don’t think folks our age ever had when we were that young, nor ever will.”

    Koko chimes in, “Word brother, word. So I’ve been brainstorming where Mr. Ellison should tour around not just Hawaii, but the world for ideas on how to make the island of Lanai the greatest foodie place ever!…”

  • February 23, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Koko excitedly continued, “So I’ve made a list of places to hit for “Project Lanai” that Mr. Ellison and I will visit for culinary ideas:

    Big Island
    • Holy’s Bakery
    • Kulana Foods
    • Parker Ranch
    • Cafe 100

    • Tasaka Guri Guri
    • Sam Sato’s
    • Maui Potato Chip Factory (Kitch ‘n Cook’d)
    • Komoda Bakery

    • Kanemitsu Bakery (check)
    • Tutu’s Kitchen
    • Aunty & Uncle’s Kitchen

    • Chun Wah Kam/Libby’s/Char Hung Sut>Chinatown in general
    • Liliha Bakery
    • Zippy’s
    • 3660 on the Rise
    • KCC Farmers Market
    • Le Bistro
    • Shirokiya
    • Roy’s
    • Shimazu Shave Ice
    • Helena’s
    • Ah Lang (The Angry Korean Lady)
    • Gulick Delicatessen
    • Alan Wong’s
    • Ono Seafood
    • Honolulu Fish Auction

    • Hamura Saimin
    • Tip Top Bakery
    • Menehune Food Mart

    • Hawaiian (THE RESTAURANT)
    • Hawaiian Jawaiianz BBQ Shaka Shack
    • KanaX (a plate lunch chain exclusive to the island of Niihau)
    • Tutu’s Kitchen
    • Uncle Robinson’s Cabin

    • Artillery Aunty’s
    • Grenades ‘N Lemonade Beach Stand
    • Battery BBQ @ Kanapou
    • Seashell Shock ‘N Awe Lounge
    • Bullets ‘N Babes Cantina
    • Ordnance Cafe
    • Shrapnel’s by the Sea
    • Missile Hill Steak House
    • Torpedo Tata’s Filipino Cuisine
    • The Enola Gay Bar & Grill

    That’s just a starter! I’m having my friend Pomai and his Tasty Island food blog readers help contribute to this ever-growing list!” Mr. Koko concluded with excitement.

  • March 4, 2013 at 11:24 am

    man the next time i hit up the mitsuwa in torrance, ca………i’ll be on the lookout for some of that huli huli sauce…..the chicken looks amazing.


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