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The Never Ending Story of Mr. Koko: Chapter 1

The decoding of Mr. Koko via ono ‘kine grindz

A while ago, a thread was started on HawaiiThreads.com titled, “The Never Ending Story“. An interactive post that has members continuously tell the story where the last poster left off. Naturally, it gets scattered and off-topic, as each person has their own idea of how the story unfolds. One day we’re in Chinatown, Honolulu talking about the local syndicate strong-arming the beat cops for “coverage”, the next day, we’re boogie boarding at Makapu’u beach. Stuffs laddat.

In light of that, instead of “Grindz of the Day”, from here on, The Tasty Island’s “Grindz of the Day” will include a “cute” story to go along with it, which is highly encouraged that you participate in continuing the story in comments!

So say, if the story goes “Once upon a time on an island far, far away, there was a beautiful lady named Mrs. Coin, and her favorite past time was swimming with dolphins…”

You would continue the story by writing, say, “and those dolphins all sounded like “Flipper” from the TV show. The dolphins protected her everyday from threatening Tiger Sharks, however they couldn’t protect her from her mean old husband…”

The next poster would then add, “Her husband was a powerful Senator who covertly lead the local syndicate. And he…”

You see how it works now, right?

Gosh, that story already sounded kinda’ “juicy”! LOL

So, today we’ll start 2013’s “Grindz of the Day” in our new “Never Ending Story of Mr. Koko” format. Here goes…

THE DECODING of MR. KOKO

Once upon a time on an island far, far away in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, there was a man named Mr. Koko. And, like most folks, Mr. Koko loved everything about food and eating it.

He had a lovely Vietnamese friend who operated a flower shop in Chinatown named Ms. Tran, who had just returned from a trip back to her home town in the city of Da Nang, Vietnam, where she brought back some candied citrus fruit as a kind token of thanks to Mr. Koko for all he’s done for her in helping starting her flower shop business…

Vietnamese Dried ‘n Candied Citrus Fruit (I think it’s Calamansi, but don’t quote me on that)

The funny thing is, neither Ms. Tran or Mr. Koko could figure out exactly what kind of citrus fruit it was. Nor did Ms. Tran ask when she bought them from that small little shop in Da Nang, being she was a bit overwhelmed in shopper’s sensory overload, as this little tourist trap shop also sold rubber duckies, “designer” trivets, boat motor oil and 1001 exotic flavors of used Taiwanese chewing gum.

Upon tasting it, Mr. Koko’s first thought was it essentially tasted like dried and candied (sugared) strips of Calamansi. “Buggah is ono!” Mr. Koko immediately proclaimed. In fact, Mr. Koko quickly whacked the entire bag, begging Ms. Tran to return back to Vietnam for more!

Back to the office, Mr. Koko was then greeted on his desk with a full pan once again of that “famous” Mayonnaise-based Coffee Cake

Mayonnaise Coffee Cake

“OK, guys, this stuff is good. I mean REALLY GOOD. But what? Are you trying to get me fat again? Sheesh, I just lost over 40 pounds so I can do business more effectively, and this is what I get? More decadence? OK, OK, never mind, just give me a slice. Make that two. No, make that half the pan.”

Mayonnaise Coffee Cake

“Ms. Miyage (Mr. Koko’s Executive Administrative Assistant), get Kalei Eggs on the line. I wanna’ propose they produce a locally-made Mayonnaise using their superior locally-raised eggs. We’ll name it ‘Kaleimayo’.”

Already off to a good start of the new work week, he opens his desk drawer, to find a package of Kikuwakame his friend had given him from his trip to Okinawa…

Kikuwakame (candy-pickled seaweed)

“Hmmm, interesting” Mr. Koko thought to himself. A packaged and preserved seaweed snack? Only the Japanese would think of such a thing. After already consuming two servings of mayonnaise-based Coffee Cake, Mr. Koko was already ready to feed his mega-charged metabolism with more good eats, and busted the Kikuwakame out…

Kikuwakame (candy-pickled seaweed)

“Hmmm… I’m guessing this is gonna’ taste like it’s been “Ume-ified””, Mr. Koko then thought as he voraciously tore open the wrapper to try it…

Kikuwakame (candy-pickled seaweed)

Just as he suspected, it tasted exactly like Ume and Wakame had a baby together, with a mildly acidic-sweet-salty pickled thing going on. A tsukemono-like candy snack, if you will. No more no less. Yet absolutely oishii!!! is what Mr. Koko thought. Like, he could have easily “whacked” 10 bags of this stuff in one sitting.

Like the candied calamansi from Vietnam, the candied Wakame (seaweed) from Okinawa fit right withing Mr. Koko’s “girlish figure” dietary conscience, as far as snacks are concerned. The mayo’-based Coffee Cake? Make pretend you didn’t know Mr. Koko ate that. lol

One of Mr. Koko’s favorite “meats” is Portuguese Sausage, whether it be with eggs and rice, topped on a musubi wrapped with Nori, or incorporated into Portuguese Bean Soup. Another way he learned to enjoy Portuguese Sausage, thanks to his trusty friend and business associate “Agent E”,  is by adding it to the Okazuya fave’, Gobo Kinpira

Portuguese Sausage Gobo Kinpira

Agent E keeps things simple by buying the frozen Gobo Kinpira, which is essentially julienne strips of burdock root and carrots, simmered in a simple shoyu-sugar sauce. Mr. Koko suggested to Agent E in trying this dish with SPAM the next time, thinking that could add an interesting twist.

Whetting his appetite for some good late-night grub, Mr. Koko decided to cruise out of his home office on Kuhio avenue in Waikiki and grab a bite…


Ono Cheese Steak on Kuhio Avenue, Waikiki

Being he was burning the midnight oil, as he often does working so hard building his empire, he dropped into Ono Cheese Steak for the first time, where there was the usual late-night crowd…


Ono Cheese Steak on Kuhio Avenue, Waikiki @ 2am on a Saturday night

Mr. Koko’s business associate decided to do #2 and try Ono Cheese Steak’s Ono Mushroom Cheese Steak, which is flat top grilled steak and mushrooms with melted white American cheese, in a crusty roll…

Ono Cheese Steak Ono Mushroom Cheese Steak

And? “Eh, not bad”, said Mr. Koko’s late-night business associate (hey, everyone needs “late-night business associates LOL). At 2am in the morning on a Waikiki Saturday night, being able to get a crusty roll stuffed with “just OK” “grilled” beef, mushrooms and cheese? He wasn’t complaining.

Mr. Koko wasn’t really feelin’ the sandwich vibe that night, so he decided to test-out his new-found green tea-charged hyper-metabolism by going with what probably is the most heart-stopping plate lunch one can ever order, the one, the only, LOCO MOCO…

Ono Cheese Steak Loco Moco

One thing you NEVER want to do in the presence of bad @ss Mr. Koko, is order a Loco Moco with an egg other than SUNNYSIDE-UP, with really runny yolks. We’re talkin’ like “liquid gold”. Eggs ordered any other way on a Loco Moco, and chances are, not only will Mr. Koko cancel your account with him (there’s fine print in the disclaimer that says he can do that at any time), but he’ll also probably SMACK you. “Wi-PACKKK”. LOL!!!

So Mr. Koko, eager to dig into this Loco Moco, after MONTHS not eating anything much heavier than Tofu and Bok Choy for the most part, went in for it…

Ono Cheese Steak Loco Moco

Notice he strategically coated the rice, beef patty AND mac’ salad with that all-important, decadently tasty, super runny egg yolk. Also notice the burger has some “crustification”, however it could be more. Seasoning wise, he needed to add additional salt ‘n pep’ to get it up to par. Out of the box, it could just as well be “hospital bed food”. Not that you’d want to serve your patient a Loco Moco, lest you’re trying to “turn beds” quicker. lol

But this is what Mr. Koko loves most about the Loco Moco, is when it gets all “happy” like this…

Ono Cheese Steak Loco Moco

Have a bite of the rice, hinting beef patty in the flavor, all smothered with brown gravy and runny egg yolk? Happy. And their brown gravy was decent. Have a bite of some mac’ salad, all smothered with brown gravy and runny egg yolk? Happy, happy. Have a bite of some egg, all smothered in brown gravy and runny egg yolk, plus some Mac’ Salad along with that? Happy, happy, happy. Have a bite of some burger, mixed with rice, eggs, and mac’, all smothered with brown gravy and runny egg yolk. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy!.

Awe, screw it, just put the whole darned thing in a blender and make a “Loco Moco Smoothie” out of it. LOL!  In fact, Mr. Koko suggested he might try that, offering a revolutionary new product line of Plate Lunch Smoothies. Look forward to a “Will it Blend? Local Foods Edition” coming to The Tasty Island soon!

All eaten, said, burped and done, Mr. Koko gave Ono Cheese Steak’s Loco Moco 2 SPAM Musubi. The burger and brown gravy needs work with better seasoning, “crustification” on the patty and more savory flavor depth in the gravy, while the mac’ salad could have been creamier.

Back at his office, suffering a late-night Waikiki Loco Moco “Kanak Attack”, slopped down in his chair, drooling like an overweight Pit Bull, Ms. Miyage abruptly barged in, announcing to a half-awake Mr. Koko that the president of Kalei Eggs was there to see him…

9 thoughts on “The Never Ending Story of Mr. Koko: Chapter 1

  • February 19, 2013 at 6:07 am
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    …Ms. Miyage then corrected herself, realizing it’s not the president, but Kalei Eggs’ hip and handsome young marketing director, Mr. Tanaka. “Naks. Just as I’d expect at 3am in the morning” a half-asleep Mr. Koko sighs out. Ms. Miyage adds, “Yes sir, you know him. He sure does a fierce Gangnam Style in them Rumours cages.” Mr. Koko just shakes his head along with a muted chuckle.

    “Naks” enters the office well-dressed from his previous clubbing engagement, with an iPad in hand, then begins his proposal, “Koko” (they use abbreviated nicknames for each other on the fairway), I like your idea of “KaleiMayo” and have told Mr. Ellison, a.k.a. “Mr. Oracle”, a.k.a. “Mr. Kauai” about it.” “Naks” then excitedly coninues while scrolling through his numerous apps, “In the mean time, we need to bring awareness of buying our superior local eggs to the new generation, the keiki. So what we’ve had developed for us is a Kalei Eggs game app called “Huhu Chickens”…

    Reply
  • February 21, 2013 at 7:32 pm
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    Pomai, I love your blog, and this is a great idea. However, “tranny” is a really offensive, and hurtful, word. Could you edit out that line, please?

    Reply
    • February 22, 2013 at 3:44 am
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      Liz,

      What’s so offensive about it? I have friends and family in the LGBT community, and we never had a problem with that word. In fact, that’s a light way of saying it! Now if you use the infamous word McMackin used, then maybe there might be a problem.

      Reply
  • February 22, 2013 at 2:03 pm
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    Pomai,

    The word is offensive because of its history. Like McMackin’s word, it is usually used as a hurtful term. I know a lot of people use it in a way that is not derogatory, but many people do not like to use it all. I have friends who are quite fond of the term, and use it as self-identification. But online, it’s difficult to be sure of how it will be received. Even if the word is not offensive in all contexts, the way you use it in your story is; implying that a trans person is not “all woman”.

    Reply
    • February 22, 2013 at 4:39 pm
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      Liz,

      I totally understand. Sometimes the proverbial word can be misconstrued, especially online, and I don’t want to inadvertently offend anyone. While I don’t like the idea of being “PC” on this blog, enjoying the freedom to say it like it is, I do have respect for people. Anyhow, I already edited out that part. Just don’t expect a press conference with me sobbing about it anytime soon. lol

      Reply
        • February 25, 2013 at 4:55 am
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          Wow, social commentary on a food blog… who’dathunkit? In all seriousness, I agree with the fact that seemingly “OK” words within a community can be misused and misunderstood outside that community, and vice-versa. Using the current conversation, “tranny” is also a term used in the vehicle maintenance world as a shortcut for a vehicle’s transmission assembly. Lots of other examples like dog breeders can use “bitch” when talking about their dogs but not necessarily so freely when talking about their wives or co-workers… Reminds me of George Carlin’s riff on the “7 dirty words”. Nevertheless, countless examples exist of words, even otherwise innocent ones, are used to hurt either deliberately or sometimes inadvertantly. It reminds us that we should be a bit understanding when our mainland friends try to talk in Pidgin…

          Reply
          • February 25, 2013 at 5:37 am
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            Keith,

            I think that was the first time I’ve been “scolded” here for my writing, but I’m OK with that, being Liz is a “regular” here, and I must respect my readers. If it were someone I didn’t recognize by name, I’d probably have disregarded it, or questioned it further. Also, I’m very much aware of the sensitivity of the issue at hand, at least to those who may be sensitive about it. At the same time, people need to understand when it’s being used strictly for comedy, and not derogatively. Listen to any of the morning drive radio talk shows here in Honolulu geared for a younger audience, and they’re about as “PC” as an Apple is a Ribeye Steak.

            Another case in point, local folks of all races here tell “Podagee Jokes”, stereotyping – or at least sounding so – that Portuguese are dumb, stupid idiots. While being half-Portuguese myself, I could take offense to that, however being that I grew up here, it’s become accepted purely as comedy, along with all the other ethnic “Kanak”, “Book Book”, “Japaneee”, “Yobo” and “Pake” jokes we tell. So I don’t take it personally, as you know I tell them myself here. On the other hand, my late dad, who was pure-blooded Portuguese and grew up in a different generation, HATED when even his own friends told “Podagee” jokes, at least in that context. So it depends. Some Polish people may feel the same way about Polish Jokes.

            I will admit, I’ve been pushing the envelope a bit lately, throwing in innuendos and references here and there to “spice things up”, but I tread carefully, believe me.

            It gets even more complex online, when people just read things for face value, not knowing much more personally about the person who wrote it. The way I write here, is pretty much how I am in person, albeit, believe it or not, I’m not as loquacious in person. I’m much more expressive when I write, which is partially why I like doing this food blog thing. It’s my way to “vent” ideas, and food is a universally interesting topic do that with. Thankfully for the most part, it’s been very well received here. :-)

  • March 9, 2013 at 8:42 am
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    I would have added some tabasco to the eggs, and shoyu to everything else :cow2:

    Reply

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